Monday, June 20, 2011

Llama Llama Duck

It wasn't your typical Saturday.  The stars aligned and we found ourselves facing three middle school "graduations" (evidently that's a thing now) and Father's Day.  We'd recently lost several cake decorators so it was just the two of us- BPD and me.  Our manager helped here and there as she could, but mostly it was just us two against 51 cake orders.  Just to give it some perspective- a typical Saturday sees maybe 34, 35.  A busy Saturday sees 40 or so.  Christmas saw 65.  51 is a lot.  For 65 we had all 5 of us working non-stop.  Two people on 51 is nuts.

That being said, we cranked them out.  I was left alone with the last 5, but that's fairly typical.  She leaves on time and I scramble til I get to leave 20 minutes late.  So by the time I hit order 51 my brain was mush.  All I wanted to do is get it over with and get the hell out.  I looked at the order form.  Full sheet, of course.  Couldn't be a little 1/4 sheet, noooo.  Had to be a mega cake that feeds 80-92 people.  I looked at the decorations.  Edible image of an older African American couple.  They looked nice.  Classy.  I looked in the margins.  "Wants landscape, freehand drawing of tool belt and outline of a loma."  I blinked at re-read.  Ok landscape I can airbrush.  Check.  Tool belt I can draw.  Check.  Wtf is a "loma"??  I scanned down to see who had taken the order.  Rich.  Good.  He was working the bread station that day.  I could go ask him what the hell a loma was.  I found him out on the floor, "Hey, Rich, um... do you remember this order?  What's a loma?"

Rich is in his mid 60s.  He recently underwent some extensive surgery on his heart.  He can really only be described as a shriveled up former biker.  He's got the super long, thinning grey ponytail tucked up under his hat and has tattoos hidden under long sleeves year round.  Oh, and you can never, NEVER understand what he's saying because he is a chronic mumbler and sounds like he's been smoking for 50 years.

So I asked what he meant by "loma."

"Huuuuuh...  He wants a landscape and a tool belt.  The guy's a landscaper or something."

"Yes, Rich, I see that.  But what is a LOMA?"

"Huuuuuuuuh.... loma....."

-silence-

"Huuuuuuuuuh.... loma..... he wants a llama."

"Are you sure?  A llama?"

"Yeah.  He's a landscaper."

"But what does that have to do with a llama?"

"I dunno.  That's what he wants.  A landscape, a tool belt, and an outline of a llama."

"Ok Rich."

So that's what I did.  I drew the shit outta that llama.  It was the best llama ever to grace a cake.  I boxed it and drove home.

Sunday.  We were busy again on Sunday.  44 orders.  We jumped right in to them.  After a few hours BPD and I took our first 15 minute break.  When we got back our counter lead was waiting with a very strange look on her face.  She looked back and forth between the two of us and finally asked, "Did either of you do a cake with a llama on it yesterday?" 

"I did"

-Hysterical laughter-

"Sooo... turns out it wasn't supposed to be a llama, so much as a 'lawnmower'."

And the worst part is- I DIDN'T TAKE A PICTURE.  I would SO be on cakewrecks.com, too.

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